worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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