I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
