Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
