Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
