he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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