Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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