'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we're so committed to being not committed
Shame is for Republicans.
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