FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
