just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
