I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
