Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
