There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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