he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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