So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize