Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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