I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
