its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wear drunk well.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
