as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
a search helicopter?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
