I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
