He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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