Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
