That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
