How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
