I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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