Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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