she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
