i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
