I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
