I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
