I wish I could punch you in the face.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
