i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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