wat bout pragnant strippers??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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