I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Girls should come with a carfax report
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
