wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
