I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize