if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have already put on my inside pants.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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