R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
