I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize