Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
