My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
