why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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