Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
