the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
