Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
