that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
