The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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