why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
