apparently the secret to your success is patron
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
