Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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