my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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