Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
