Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
