You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
