I smell stomach acid.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
