Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize