the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
