his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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