so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize