ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
