We're facebook friends in real life
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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