Yo dont text me then not text me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
