No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
