porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
