Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
