I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
