Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
