My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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