Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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