Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
