I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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