i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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