it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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