tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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