I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
