jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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