So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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