i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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