I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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