I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize