So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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