Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
