apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize