I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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