I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everyone says I win the strip club
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize