I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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